Leadership and Self-Deception, The Arbinger Institute

"Self-betrayal"

• An act contrary to what I feel I should do for another is called an act of "self-betrayal".
• When I betray myself, I begin to see the world in a way that justifies my self-betrayal.
• When I see a self-justifying world, my view of reality becomes distorted.
• So -- when I betray myself, I enter the "box". [this "box" is a paradigm of skewed thinking and perception that drives how I act and think]
• Over time, certain boxes become characteristic of me, and I carry them with me.
• By being in the "box", I provoke others to also be in their boxes.
• In the "box", we invite mutual mistreatment and obtain mutual justification [to continue to behave/think selfishly].  We unknowingly collude in giving each other reason to stay in the "box".

For the good of a relationship (be it in social, or in business), we need to get out of the "box".  To get out of the box, we need to see people as people, not objects that need to be cajoled, or manipulated to serve our needs.  We need to see others as important as well.

How is this important in business?  Well, we work together to achieve results.  If we are in the "box", we won't be thinking for the common good, but for our own selves.

Works in relationships as well.  If you ever had mixed feelings about your spouse's attitudes, this book is for you.  Read it.  Will be good for you.  Helped me think though a number of issues with my biz partner.